The first thought that flashed across my mind when I laid my eyes upon this gem of an article was: wow, something that combines two of my favorite subjects, sex and shisha. This must be one hell of an article. Turned out I was right, but for the wrong reasons.
Let me say this upfront: smoking is bad. There is no argument from there. It makes man prone to a whole array of heart diseases. Raises the probability of gum, throat and lung cancer. Ruins your teeth. Messes your pharynx. Badly affects your physical fitness. And, yes, it might slow you a little in a sack, if you don’t counter-balance it with cardio workout.
However, it’s really funny and ironic how the subject of smoking (and especially shisha smoke) is handled in the media (and advertisements, commercials, awareness campaigns.. etc..). I’ve written before about a health radio show, in which the presenter rattled off a series of regurgitated stereotypes about shisha and its smokers. And I said then and I say it now: I’ve seen all sorts of horrid anti-smoking ads, I’ve seen the charred lungs, the enshrouded cadavers; wriggled and squirmed on a lip of a huge ashtray to resemble a crushed cigarette. I’ve seen a huge billboard with bullet laid side by side next to a cigarette, with the obvious fatal common effect articulated below: smoking kills. I’ve seen the zombie-like faces of cancer patients in their last days of struggle, (a struggle which, by the way, I completely respect and admire and don’t intend to ridicule or underestimate)…. I’ve seen it all.
But I’m not deterred.
It seems to me that the anti-smoking literature needs to mature, to grow out of its rigid stereotypes, its childish quibbles and stating-the-obvious rhetorics. Smoking, especially shisha smoking, isn’t all about substance dependency and craving chemicals. Forget the ostensible image of fumes inhaled and exhaled. Smoking, and especially shisha smoking, is a way of life. However harmful, wasteful, unpleasant and counterproductive that way may be, it’s still a way of life. You can’t just expect people to drop it and move on because it’s bad.
In other words, if you’re really concerned about smokers and their health. Then be empathetic to them. Try and see things from their point of view.
But this, of course, isn’t happening. What anti-smoking campaigns end up doing is bashing smokers and showing them what retarded, unsightly, selfish, worthless pieces of turd they are. How they’re going to live miserably and die lonely and unloved like smelly dogs.
How do you expect smokers to take you seriously if this is the message you’re getting across?
Now back to the aforesaid article. No doubt this piece of rehashed talking points pushes the fatuousness a little further. Gloatingly basking in the light of the sexual impotence of whoever smoked the pipe, even second-handedly or experimentally.
Smoking is sexual suicide, comes the resounding statement from world-renowned author and sex therapist, Dr Rosie King, with shisha smoking being the root cause of impotency in men in the Middle East.In a country where the shisha culture is embedded in its social makeup, the news that excessive usage of the water pipe causes impotency in men has seen many a heavy smoker cross his legs in a seemingly protective move.
Sexual suicide. How very intriguing.
The second paragraph reminds me of a session with a world-renowned crime author I’ve attended a couple of years ago. She mentioned how cases of men rape in US prisons are a serious endemic and that whenever she narrates the horrors of these rapes stories all the men in the room cross their legs.
My splayed-legged self at the time thought: how typically womanly of her to think so. It’s probably more of a woman habit to cross legs when she hears of rape or forced intercourse, since, well, your vagina is out front somewhere. On the other hand, we don’t cross our legs because of that. I assure you. We might clinch our butt holes. (probably just to suppress a long due fart), but we don’t cross our legs.
The rare occasions when I had to cross my legs in public (and some of them while I was, indeed, smoking shisha in public) were because I had to hide a raging erection. You see, I’ve developed the compound habit of reading books while smoking. I can hardly do either of them alone. And when I come across a raunchy chapter, I would have to evoke all the turn-offs in the world (including some anti-smoking diatribes), in order to allow my penis to stand at ease and not to make a jerk out of myself.
They say a picture is worth a thousand words, and governments across the Middle East are upping the efforts to kick the butt. The Egyptian Ministry of Health took a drastic step earlier this year and unveiled a graphic warning label of a drooping cigarette, symbolising the potential for tobacco-induced impotence, plastered on every pack sold throughout the country.
See, Egypt, with its 80 million people and sky-rocking population growth could use the smoke. That’s one more reason to thank the shisha for having curtailed the explosive, almost exponential, increase of birthrate in the Nile country.
Indeed, shisha, the water pipe that burns flavored tobacco, can expose users to the smoke equivalent to five packs of cigarettes, according to statistics from the WHO.
The water pipe can expose users….. We never get to know what that water pipe here means. And how it’s quantified. By time? By the amount of smoke exhaled from the man with the flaccid dick? An hour worth of smoke? Two hours? 15 minutes?
"The more you smoke, the less you poke," she states.
I think this is supposed to be the funny punch-line. If you wanna get the man to react (or act), then get him where it hurts. Under the belt. In the groins. Threaten his sexual self esteem, and encourage his atavistic lust and unlock the beast in him by promising more fulfilling and frequent sex once the water pipe is ditched.
Wow. What a brilliant reverse psychology and turn of phrase.
Don’t get me wrong, guys. I’m all for scientific research on the subject. But real and comprehensive research. Not crock of shit, un-peer-reviewed research.