Zionist Cricket

In a bid to expand its participation in world-wide sporting events, the ministry of Settlers' Fitness in the Zionist Entity announced this weekend its interest in making cricket a mainstream activity at the Kibbutz.

"All other nuclear nations, and especially the NPT non-signatories, are doing well at the game. We want to see what it's all about" said Shaul Matan, the Highest Commissioner for Kosher Sports, holding an Uzi in one hand and juggling cricket balls with the other.

The move comes hot on the heels of the latest world wide embarrassing expose' of Mossad Kidons, the ruthless arm of the Zionist intelligence services. Agents from Kidons were spotted wearing Tennis gear as camouflage in recent operations.

"This could widen our horizon..... [give] us more opportunity to move around the world and get to meet new people. Tennis isn't the only sport, you know" Mr. Matan added, a sly smirk on his face.

There were mixed reactions to the question of whether the game could capture the interest of the hardcore Settlers' movement. Some believe the leisurely fashion of cricket could appeal to the settlers' psyche.

"When your home is subsidized by US tax-payers' money, and built on lands appropriated from the Palestinians, life becomes easy and with no challenges" said a bearded settler on condition of anonymity, panting as he hurried back after burning a Palestinian olive grove. "We want some suspense, but a measured adrenaline rush at the same time. So cricket might suit us well."

The fact that, historically, cricket had grown in popularity during colonial times, was heavily present during deliberations to initiate the Hasbara campaign necessary to give Zionist cricket a first push, Mr. Matan provided.

Nearby at a shooting range, a teenage settler welcomed the move but for slightly different reasons.

"I've been watching cricket on TV .... I like it, but most importantly, I like the kind of scores you end up with." said the youngster with the freckled face, while gunfire erupted in the background "As a final score, 376 - 3 sounds wonderful. This the kind of game we usually play with the Palestinians.......... proportion wise"

Michaela Sharmotsky, a porn star and an IDF reservist, couldn't hide her excitement at the prospect of the new game.

"[as a] cheerleader, this reassures me that my services are still in demand" said Michaela, while fiddling with her cleavage and revealing a daring amount of chutzpah.