Aesthetical Tantrums

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It’s widely assumed that architects’ work is interesting; but – I don’t know if this is going to give you the disappointment of your life but I hope not- let me break it to you; it’s not (or rather it's not always the case).

Indeed, there are those ‘moments’ when the building is shaping up (on the papers/ computer screens or model podiums), but those aren’t many.

Other than that everything else we do (I need you architects out there to correct me if I am wrong) is butt-sweating, anxiety-inducing donkeys’ work. It’s very easy to theorize in architecture. Remember, almost every boy or girl played lego once; there is an architect inside every client waiting to break the shackle and set free. And we, real architects, sometimes innocently allow this by entertaining the client on few ideas. It’s what we call in Arabic “giving face” عطي وش. It’s very interesting cultural concept if one can get it translated rightly. But I digress.

So you think Haram (kind of empathic feeling), let this poor client have few ideas of his own tucked neatly within the design. It’s his own money end of the day. Right?

Wrong!

Because they eventually ‘get face’ أخد وش, (another interesting cultural concept; simply a reciprocation of ‘giving face’). Client starts to savor the taste of having his/her silly fantasies jotted on the papers, drafted on CAD and then printed with neat laser precision. The fantasies keep unfolding.

It’s no use telling him/her that “this cornice is hideous” or “that Lebanese hotel operator [who was recruited from Joneih two month ago] doesn’t know shit and going to buy you cheap Chinese furniture” (apparently, every Arab Gulf man had a fantasy once along the way about entertaining a glitzy Lebanese cowboy). And the incessant changes and fantasies never cease to end (by definition).

But this- ladies and gentlemen, brothers and sisters, comrades and colleagues – isn’t the worst of it. Architects are, by and large, destined to become what we call in the industry ‘design managers’. After you’ve busted your ass getting the client to sign off on the concept, there is the process of leading the other fellow engineers (electrical, mechanical, structural, agricultural, horticultural, geological etc…) to design the other aspect of the building. Now this process isn’t really that annoying, it’s just boring.

Yes, it’s deadly boring.

It’s partly boring because Eng. Nadeem (the liaison officer with the electromechanical sub-consultant), is hell-bent on making the same mistakes in every project. He’d call out of the sudden and say : “ah I think Civil Defense was about to increase the capacity of the sprinklers’ pump per minute, we might need a bigger tank… let me check, let me check…” ….

He’d hang up then. I don’t even get the chance to tell Nadeem that the building in question doesn’t have sprinklers until he’s halfway to the civil defense department in the cab (cause he failed like 15 times in driving tests…)...

But that’s an entertaining and sanitized version of the story. In short, what we do is not always exciting; it’s largely boring.

Or do I easily get bored?

The jury is still out…..

Girls' Idols

Girls are so fascinated by athletes like Micheal Phelps and Ian Thorpe. It's because they are hot, they claim. That they've got the abs, the wide shoulders and the perfect sinewy body.

Excuse me my dear madams, this is the absolute bullshit.

What you like about both of those chaps is the 'fame' (and somehow the power) that is associated with winning so many gold medals and becoming a legend of one's country.

Also, it might be the innocent look. They both got this face features like they're defenseless and in need of some immediate mothering.

I mean look at Phelps for f**k sake, his horse-like upperjaw stands out as a witness to the insignificance of male facial beauty as far as the carnal desires of women are concerned.

P.S.: I've got abs and nice muscular body build, would you idolize me instead?

P.S.S: Ian Thorpe is romoured to being a closet homosexual. So there.

Women Aren't Funny.

A call for peace in the Caucasus

Alas, such a beautiful region; where the magnificence of nature is beyond description, isn't a shame that it shall be continuously inflicted with wars and instability. From Nagorno Karabakh to Chechnya to south osetia and since the dissolution of the Soviet Union, the great region of Caucasus (comprising the states of Aremina, Georgia, Azerbigan and parts of Russia) has never been given a long enough break of peace. It has always been a dream of mine to go for a long tour in the region. Taking in the culture and the nature. Don't you feel like embracing those pictures?

Let’s hope there’d be peace soon.

Bash. Bash. Bash.

I had an interesting exchange with a South African guy. The only rule of the game is that you have to insult politely:

Me : Your country has a not-so-bright track record with regards to racial sensetivities.

He : You are a proud Stereotype.

Me : Shame and you have never met in person before. And that's because shame feels so shameful about meeting you.

He : When the sheep says baaa it means no... remember that... I know you are not a rapest.

Me : The only benefit you got from frequenting the whorehouse was to collect used condoms, which you've always mistaken for lollipops.

He : Your Ballade shoes are ready for pickup sir.

Me : You are always under the impression that your friends have just acquired new watches before meeting you, because they keep checking out the time. Fact is, your company makes it harder for the seconds pin to plough forward.

He : You are related to Hitler...

Me : Your existence in the lower hemisphere is not a coincidence.



And then there was this Australian girl who decided to chime in:

She to me: You still live with the mumma and the puppa.

Me : Books like 'Why Men Love Bitches' draw more than your usual attention.


And then she went silent.

P.S.: feel free to bash me any way you like, and no, I won’t bash you back.

P.S.S.: impolite bashings will be deleted.